Welcome Back to Let’s Chirp.
This week was centered around rest. I spent a lot of time sleeping this week, which is abnormal for me. I slept in later than usual and took naps throughout the week. Including one of those terrifying, three hour, late afternoon naps that you wake up from in a sweat wondering if you’re supposed to get ready for school. The body knows what it needs, and apparently, this week, mine needed to sit down and chill out.
I had an unexpected visit from a friend who stayed with me for a couple of nights and that felt like really sacred time that we haven’t had in a while. We caught up with a friend from our hometown that I haven’t seen in months. I had a friend over for a farmer’s market trip and dinner at home, and we spent time eating chocolate-covered almonds, discussing life on the couch. If you have these kinds of friends, cherish them. One of my friends refers to them as “couch friends”. People who you don’t have to get dressed up for, that can come over at any time and just spend a night chatting in the living room without any “event” to have your time centered around. Or maybe that’s just it, your time is centered around being together rather than being somewhere.
I think couch friends are harder and harder to come by in adulthood. Life gets busier, people move apart, we prioritize our families, and somewhere along the way we also get this sense that we have to be “doing something” when we see each other. We need some event to push us over the threshold towards actually seeing people. But often, when we get to this event, we realize that it’s been so long that we barely recognize each other any more. Or we fall into being the person we were last time we saw them, and the truth is that we’ve changed. It’s not nearly as fulfilling as when we sat around the table sharing a bottle of cheap wine, eating Chinese food. We don’t share the deeper parts of our lives and we don’t get any control over the environment to take those quieter moments to express how much we’ve missed each other.
And in all honesty, we’re often not our true selves at places like concerts, or weddings, or bars. We’re often too worried about our appearance in that moment to focus on making genuine connections. We’re thinking about the first impressions we’re making, or if we’re coming off as “likable” or “cool”. And this isn’t to say that we can’t be ourselves or make great connections when we go out, or that a wedding isn’t a place to meet your lifelong best friend, but what I’m saying is that the relationship shouldn’t start and stop in these moments. If we want togetherness, if we want love sprinkled throughout our lives, we need to have moments of being ourselves in front of each other. So yes, I’m again being a shameless advocate for vulnerability.
I hear so many people say that they don’t have close friends in adulthood and I can’t help but think of how rarely we create moments to truly connect with one another. We don’t create an abundance of opportunities to let someone know us, but I have been reflecting on just how much of a gift it is to be known. I was writing to someone recently and I don’t have the exact quote, but I wrote something along the lines of “I don’t think there are many greater things in life than being known by someone. And it can be just as rewarding to take the time to get to know someone.” And I believe this wholeheartedly. I have witnessed what a gift this is every day when I unravel myself to friends or family about my grief, my joy, my silly little passions, my abundance of love. And to be received for being yourself is something that we all deserve.
So what I’m saying is, continue going out into the world. Go to the weddings, the bars, the music festivals. But when that’s done, call your friend. Check in on them. Be honest with each other. Do the quieter things too. Go for walk together. Go kayaking. Sit by the pool. And then maybe have them over on your couch. Make some popcorn and light a candle, and realize that the “event” is your togetherness. The event is not a $16 cocktail.
Let yourself be known.
Quiet moments at home this week: The light has been really special in the house this week.
Some research (aka snippets from my Pinterest board):
If you’ve been to my house then you know that I have built a majority of the furniture here, including the couch. This is something I am certainly proud of, but also knowing my lack of true woodworking skills, it leaves some room to be desired. The couch has been very functional for me the past two years, but I’m inching towards the time to get a “real” couch.
My initial instinct was to lean towards getting a lighter colored couch because my living room is all white and will continue to be due to my projector on the wall. Something “relaxed” and preferably made from a natural fabric like linen was my plan. But as I’ve been doing more “research” (time spent on Pinterest, reading interior design books, watching home tours, Paige Wassel, and Noah Daniel) I’ve been leaning towards a darker color, and I’ve been repeatedly drawn to brown. At first this felt like it might be a crazy idea since my floors and furniture are all shades of brown since they’re wood, but the below research feels like it’s starting to fully convince me of the brown couch trend.
My current favorite is this sleeper couch from Sabai in the color “Chocolate”. I have some swatches that I ordered from them that have been sitting on the table beside my couch and it still feels like a good option.
I especially love the idea of unfolding the couch into a queen sized bed which is ideal for countless gatherings with couch friends and plenty of days spent reading or watching my Criterion films.
A close second right now is this sofa from Crate&Barrel.
Also have to give a shoutout to this kind of periwinkle blue couch I found on Pinterest which would be super fun, but it feels like it might’ve been custom and I’m ultimately leaning towards having the flexibility of a sleeper sofa. Also the room and architecture of this space seem amazing as well.
Album of the week: Liquidator by Harry J Allstars
Going into summer, especially here in Florida, I don’t think there’s a better genre to have on repeat than Reggae. Perfect for beach days, having a drink poolside, standing at the grill, or afternoons in the garden. Harry J Allstars was a Jamaican Reggae group led by bassist and producer Harry Zephaniah Johnson. Liquidator was their debut album, recorded in 1969, but was initially only released as a single of the title track “Liquidator”. The full album was later released in 2010 and features 12 instrumental tracks. My favorites are “The Dog”, as well as the covers “My Cherie Amour” (originally by Stevie Wonder), and “Je T’aime…Moi Non Plus” (originally by Serge Gainsbourg).
What I ate this week: More salads with peaches, pistachio cookies, and my favorite local birria tacos (from La Tienda).
That’s it for Week 23. Enjoy your week!
Talk soon.
Love,
Zach
Ugh, this hit me in the gut. Couch friends are so precious and seemingly impossible to come by, especially if you leave your hometown/college town.